Chapter 11: How to Have a Long and Happy Relationship

This is your easy universal guide to maintaining a long and happy relationship together with your love. This is about many things--but it is never about being one sided or demanding. Don't allow your self to be a control freak or fearful and paranoid, but be open and cheerful. It's about how the two of you do this and continue it...


Steps:

1. Choose your partner wisely. Having similar tastes, hobbies, temper and goals in life is very important even though you will be opposite in some nice ways. If you two have different relationship goals, you should try to find different partners. It really is a waste of time, and will eventually lead to mild and even harsh conflicts. Without compatibility in your basics it is very hard to maintain a happy relationship. See, if one in always "going, rushing and imagining" but the other (no matter how lovely) always wants to "stay, stop or forget it all"--it is impossible to be together!
2. Be honest about everything always. Even in the smallest matter. Being honest is the most important thing in a relationship. Secrets or dishonesty is like poisonous venom from a deadly snake that will bite you both... when it comes crawling out and it will.
3. Never cheat on your partner. Imagine what you would feel if they cheated on you. Would you really want them to feel that way? Could you ruin every month/year you've spent together? Could you break their heart? Keep in mind, that cheating could do permanent damage to your partners self confidence and could ruin their love life completely forever. You will never be trusted again, no matter how you excuse yourself. Is sex really worth ruining your relationship? If you don't feel happy with your partner, break up first.
4. Be open and informative as much as you can. Having privacy in a relationship may be non-commitment and not building trust; privacy is okay but only if you can do it without becoming suspicious or ambiguous.
5. Respect the needs of your partner. Keep your wants balanced with theirs. This way no one gets constant advantage. But everyone stays happy.
6. Keep their birthday and your anniversary in mind. This is really important!
7. If you want to make them happy, do something you know they like, or something they always wanted to do but never could. Doing something together is the best choice.
8. Don't expect, buy or even request valuable gifts. These can really poison a relationship if one person seems to be a gold digger.
9. Spend as much time together as you can, but avoid fusion or confusion of your individual goals with the other person's goals! You will fuse family goals such as for having children together, but not you core needs and beliefs. Neither person should lose reasonable and longstanding individual ambitions or goals.
10. Before you become impatient or unreasonable try to run the, "Do they deserve my unloading on them?" program. No matter what the answer is to that question--No! They don't deserve a "piece of your mind." Be fair by being patient, and ask for patience. Keep calm, this is the key to being happy together. Everyone can have a hard day, or week.
11. In a good relationship very little should be taboo. Simply, if you are both sensible--anything that you think about might be worth talking about with your partner. Yet an extremely talkative person can drive a partner to distraction and to need a getaway to have some peace and quiet (opposites don't always attract if both or either one is too intrusive or self-centered)...
12. Don't despise or be cruel about any mannerisms or habits they have. Don't force them to do or not do anything. If it is too unacceptable to you then you should decide what is right or wrong for yourself. If they need or ask for your help--with changing their bad habit--then you should be as supportive as you can without becoming an enabler.
13. Rejecting the insignificant little things that the other does is part of a relationship. Don't try to change your partner (don't be his parent or psychologist). Realize that people have habits and mannerisms that is part of who they are. You will not be able to make them stop and you should love them for who they are. If an issue is significant, like someone who is demanding or belittling, maybe you should rethink the relationship.

Tips:

• Good luck, and be happy!

Never start or maintain a relationship based on:

• Fear or pity--It will never work. If you can't get out of it alone, ask for help from parents and authorities!
• Loneliness or despair--That also will never work. When people start relationships out of loneliness--instead of healthy attraction--they often feel inferior, ignored, and pitied.
• Financial or material interest--Such as being a provider, servant or a sex object. Those are plainly disgusting.
• Ignorance: not knowing and loving each other--Love is not something that will join you on the way orgrow on incompatible people (it has to be in you both). Despite all the stories you might have heard, maturing and enduring love can be lifelong. It is a matter of good choices originally and building on that foundation together and both actually liking being together.
• Opinions or ideals of others--Never let anyone tell you how you "should handle" your relationship. No one knows the two of you more than you and your partner. They can only see the outside, and they do have different ideas about what is a good relationship.
• Envy or professional jealousy--If you really love each other you should be proud of the success or achievement of the other's goals--not envious or dismissive.
• Friends or relatives needs or wants--Those other people should never be more important than your partner--and probably not even nearly as important except in a rare (and extreme) emergency.

Warnings:

• If a relationship is getting dull or boring, get busy... in hobbies that you can do at the same place and time--common interests--or find one complex hobby involving your differing skills and interests together. Go to places together that you both like, or talk about what you and they want to do taking turns accompanying the other.
• Never be afraid of saying "Sorry..." It is never too late to apologize or to make it right. Never demand it though! It is not true that you never have to say you're sorry if you love one another. It's almost the opposite of that. Words can matter as much as anything to open and receptive couples.
• You will not always have an easy smile or an easy going relationship--be patient, loving, kind and noncritical...
• Don't demand or expect continuous attention or affection--show and tell your love and give it! Then because you chose the person well, relax together and each will be accepting and giving in return--without demanding it--and don't play a game like "I'll wait for the next move from you!" Make a move when you are ready...
• Don't play "Not until you do what I want!" Just keep on communicating in a friendly way, nicely--without meanness, nagging or trying to force the other to agree. Try saying and doing your part, you may want to wait for a short while--allow a little extra time to let the dust settle--and it'll work out as you both nurture your relationship together.