Loss of a Great Friend. A bad start into a New Year

People who really knows me, would know the distrauted form I am in currently. I lived by a principle of trying to keep and maintain friendships among everyone I know that came into my life and also those that had to depart mainly by the calling of our Maker, the Creator. But rarely, do I have to face one that does not require an unformed reason.

This is the tale of someone greatly that I once knew. I had the pleasure of sharing laughters and many informative things from someone bright and funny. We had never-ending conversations. Or rather, I got to hear a lot of things that is interesting and get to know the inside of another different world. One that I had never been in and the look from the window entices you to discover more about this other realm.

But the dimension took more than a twist recently. It was like a whirlpool that altered everything totally in a 360 degree manner. The same views that we shared, the fate that we had was insignificantly re-destined for an utter sadness.

I remember the sleepless nights that we shared; giving each other so much of contagious laughters and excitement. Each day that I wake up, I look forward to hearing more of the stories and hope to learn more about this person and everything around it. As a person who has to be driven by creativity and excitement, I was so glad that this friend was a fresh well of ideas, inspiration and motivation. Just by listening to this person's positive aura helped me a lot. From starting the day to having everything going my way and it was like a struck of luck. As everything I touch, turns to Gold. The sales pitch that I do, sells well. The ideas that I brainstormed; inspired by this magnificent friend, more creative than ever. The Music that I compose, more harmonious and symphonic than before. The motivation from such a friend, is like a new found Angel.

But all good things must come to an end. The only problem is, it's sooner than I expected. I like the individual for the great change that I felt and helped me a lot. But the friend has different thoughts and perspective otherwise. It has led us, with no other choices, but to part ways due to a simple misunderstanding.

Yes, even the slightest of disagreement can destroy a perfect balance of goodness. And it all came because of who I naturally am. I remember this friend once advised me to be good to myself and learn to love myself more than how I usually treat others. I took the advise and started learning to care for myself more and lately gave a bit of pampering rather than doing everything for the sake of others.

It was also because of this goodness that I gave too much of, eventually became the core problem. I was mistaken to have treated this friend for more than it felt and led to think that the friendship was leading to some Hope and will be misunderstood for a further step into things. I guess when I gave out things like a Christmas present and a souvenir from oversea would construed towards showing affection instead. But neither did my friend knew that Christmas is a season of giving and love; something that I practice and do for everyone I care for. Friend or stranger, everyone is given some warmth from me. The same applies to when I travel. Buying something symbolic is something I'd do, if I had the time and if the item is right.

It wasn't the case. I was also allegedly condone to have cared too much; which by the way, for everyone who knows me, I would as it doesn't cost me anything to care and show concern and regards. Be it long lost friend, close friend, distant friend, new friend, long-time-no-contact friend. I even drop a word or two to the "long-time-no-contact" type once in awhile. Just to let them know I'm still breathing.

Other friends and colleagues of ours, have tried to show care and concern by asking a bit about how things are, or rather could be repaired. I know they weren't intervening, as they were just hoping we could resolve this silly misunderstanding. Being honest with nothing to hide, I'll tell them that I enjoyed the days we had which brighten my life. It was short, it was memorable, it was a dream. I'd like to live in that dream forever but the other party thought we're (or maybe we will, if I mistaken there is such hope, as quoted) living in a real life attachment.

I wasn't looking for that attachment. I was looking for that companionship. That laughter, joy and happiness. That clinging bond. The one that gave a lot of ideas and creates lots of topic. Yes, I know I'm nice to everyone. I grew up in a place where, everyone - yes everyone, is someone I cherish and care about.

I live on a principle in life of being Good to people and believe that good deeds will come to me, if I do. It could be as simple as a conversation period that ends with a subject like the following practice: I talk to every girl that I know or don't know nicely with salutations of "dear, darling, sweetie, madam" and address every guy I know or not with "sir, bro, me lad, dearest of heart." This is because politeness and compliments bring positiveness to everyone.

I also have the habit of getting things for people when I see something nice or suitable for them. Regardless of what relation or whom it is. I also have the bad habit of taking concern of everyone's problem, health and anything at all that I can help with.

Thus my friend has been always asking me to buy things for myself rather than others. Well, I'm a very simple person who is easily satisfied and contended with what I already have.

Coming back to losing such a great friend. I guess there's nothing much I can do when my friend thinks it would evolve into something else or mistakenly taken for hope in the future, in which I did not intend to pursue or take such risk. If I have to admit, I would... I do like the person for being a nice, funny, caring, witty-cunning-tricky attitude. Also possesses a bright intelligence with good maturity, understanding & generous heart. Importantly, this person has a decent heart. Trust me, I've seen horrible people before.

Sigh, saying so much is useless. The time has come. The moment has passed. The friend is gone and I could not salvage what goodness is left between us. A public message was left to ensure that I get the message loud and clear and that I will be embarrassed enough to face it. This friend had assumed that I made lots of "complaint" because of the care and concern others had shown but again misunderstood that I could only tell the truth, when asked, that the current situation is just as per: a 1 way communication dead-end.

I hope it will not become a habit for friend(s) to come and go. I've tried to clear the misunderstanding but to no avail and guess I'll be starting this New Year with a Loss of a Great Friend.

"And the raindrops keep falling into my heart, 
and i just can't deny what feels so right. 
Do i let myself go and feel the rain, 
or should i play with caution and refrain? 
Whatever i do, when it comes to you, 
i know sometimes love plays the part of a fool."

The extraction from the Song "Part of a Fool" dedicated in loving memory of this lost friendship.