Chapter 17: How to Generate True and Honest Love from Guys

We can feel with our gut the true nature of things. And sometimes you feel that, no matter how many love letters you send to one another, the feelings between you two are just not that genuine brand of love. What can you do to nurture that intimacy?


Steps:

1. First of all, you need to be able to love. This seems like a task that everyone is capable of, but with the concept of 'love' being as hazy and ill-defined as it is, it's not a simple as it seems. Love is not about economics, social politics, how he looks, how much he cares about you, or even the myriad attractive things that he does. It's a feeling that permeates everything you share together, like a constant music that is always playing in the background. Love is a feeling of comfort that seems like it has been there forever. If you feel that this is something you feel or are capable of feeling, then you need to build on that.
2. Secondly, you need to be able to love someone else more than yourself. This means that, above all else, a sense of closeness and respect for who he is. If you subscribe to the school of thought which dictates that 'you are a goddess, an independent woman, an amazing chick that he can't get anywhere else', you are not going to be able to grow closer. Statements such as the examples only distance yourself from him.
3. You need to realise the nature of men. Your boyfriend, contrary to what you might think, is not an all-forgiving endlessly-compassionate altruist. He is not capable of loving only you, because you are not the only thing in the universe. If you are looking down on him, bending him to your will, and he is complying, he is doing it in exchange for something. Usually, this will be sex or companionship, or alternatively, status and pride. When he grows tired of the relationship, he will move on in a heartbeat. If you do not take steps to build closeness with him, he will end up throwing you away like a used condom.

Tips:

• Don't make anything a big deal. Don't make your problems his problems. Don't rant or rave
• Focus on just having a good time together. Try to make the time you share free of pressure or drama.
• Focus on sharing experiences, thoughts and emotions together.
• If you have something emotional you are dealing with, be open with your boyfriend without being dramatic or self-pitying. He is not one of your girlfriends, so don't make it seem worse than it is, or labour the point. He wants to help you, so make sure he feels appreciated if he cheers you up.
• He want to feel accepted by your friends, and he wants you to be accepted by his friends. He will defend you against his friends if they don't like you. Make sure you do the same and try and create a good environment to be in together.

Warnings:

• Love should not be one-sided. There is no way to 'make him love you' if you don't love him.
• There is no magic pill to make a relationship work. If the relationship is already failing, there is often no reliable way to bring it back to working order.
• These are just guidelines for how to approach this idea. It is not a foolproof plan, and you should adapt it to suit your situation.