Chapter 21: How to Get Over a Broken Engagement

Getting over a broken engagement is never easy - your dreams, hopes, and future wishes are all completely dashed in a moment. The bridal magazines sit around, the suit or dress might even be hanging in the wardrobe, and invitations remain unsent... This article suggests ways in which you can begin to emerge from the shock and start to forge a new and different future for yourself after a broken engagement. Instead of saying "I do" to marriage, you can choose to say "I do" to accepting the challenge to move on and find your feet in the world again.


Steps:

1. Realize that no matter what led to this event, you remain a good and worthy person. For whatever reason, it is an outcome that has forced you to see a different future. And while right now it is hard to see a path ahead, there is one, and likely it is one that includes the right person coming along when the time is right. Do not begin to think that you are never going to find someone "as good as him/her" again. You will, it just doesn't seem like that right now. And resist the temptation to find yourself unworthy in any respect. It is a situation of two people not working out rather than you as an individual not working out.
2. Remove reminders. Anything that reminds you of your ex-fiancé needs to leave your surroundings. This is important so that you can move on and let go. That means either throwing it away (if you cannot bring yourself to return it) or putting it in a box out of the way. Get someone else to return items of value and sentimental interest to your ex-fiancé if you cannot face seeing him or her right now; this is kinder than junking it. Be the strong one.
3. Let out your emotions. Cry if you see fit and perhaps wallow in your sorrows for a few days. It is OK to feel rotten; this is life-dashing stuff you are experiencing. However, set yourself a deadline to pull yourself up and get ready to make a new life for yourself. Every ending has a new beginning, that is the way of life, the world and the universe.
4. Let others know. After you have a good grip on yourself, inform anybody that was aware of the wedding (if a date had been set) that one will no longer be held. The sooner this is done, the better, so that airfares can be redeemed, accommodations canceled and gifts returned. If you already have gifts, be sure to send them back promptly with a kind "thank you" message.
5. Spend time with people who care about you. Go and spend time with friends and family to get your mind off your broken engagement. You need to be around people who support, love, and cherish you right now. And you never know, during times like these, you often find one person who has been through just what you're going through right now. Let them reach out to you; they'll have good advice to share, as well as being living proof you'll get through fine.
6. Take that honeymoon. Even if you hadn't yet booked one, it is a really super idea to grab a friend or even go it alone and take a break somewhere away from your hometown. Go and do something different, something wild, something unique. The difference will do you a lot of good. And while you're away, remember to relax and totally pamper yourself. If you want that gold bracelet and triple decker chocolate ice cream, now is not a time for holding back.
7. Learn, forgive and grow. An engagement is made of two people. Trying to see fault on either side is a situation that will feed resentment and hold you back. You might want to see him or her as being at fault but it is more likely that both of you saw signs along the way but chose to plow on regardless. Analyze a little but don't over-analyze. Accept that both of you might have done things differently but that perhaps this is a sign that it was not going to be a match made in heaven and it is better to know now than later. Be grateful you have had the experience, wish the other side well, and work on letting your forgiveness override blaming either yourself or the other party.
8. Give him (or her) the engagement ring back. If you have one, this is not only fair but wise. You don't want to hold onto it, and if you sell it, you may feel rotten.

Tips:

• Watch out for the rebound. If you are really emotionally fragile, steer clear of intimate relationships for a while until you are stronger and your judgment is no longer clouded.
• Do not be embarrassed that your engagement has ended. It is a time of celebration. Think about the results if you had married this person and later on the incompatibilities caused divorce-worthy rifts?
• Take care of yourself but also consider others. To stop yourself wallowing too much, get involved in volunteering - you'll see there are many people with hardships and yours is but one. Although a significant setback, a broken engagement is not a reason to give up on living life to your best ability.
• Don't completely rule out getting back together. In some cases a broken engagement can allow a couple to reflect on their own blind spots and change themselves for the better. Then if the opportunity arises, just maybe it would work out for them to start things over with a clean slate. If neither party is willing to change, stay away from each other! But if your issues have been resolved, give it another shot... carefully of course. A broken engagement can have a happy ending.

Warnings:

• If you feel a lack on interest in friends and family, cry constantly, and have trouble motivating yourself, you may be suffering from mild depression and should seek the advice of a therapist.