Chapter 10: How to Love

Love is a strange feeling that can be one of the most amazing in all the world. Sometimes the emotions associated with love are blissful, and there are times when they can really hurt. In the end, love is something most of us, if not all of us, will encounter. While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone(or even yourself), here is a general guide to loving.


Steps:

1. Say it. When you say the words "I Love You", they should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it, make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.
2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are. Realize how they could also love you back just as well.
3. Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.
4. Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.
5. Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love. Don't make an idol of the person you love. This will place them under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing them.
6. Never stop loving. Even if you have been hurt before you should not stop giving love.

Tips:

• It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if they do not love you. However, to truly love someone, you must let them be free. It is selfish to blame them for your feelings.
• There are many types of love, for example: a mother-son love is different from a best friend's love, which is different from a romantic love. Don't be ashamed to tell anyone that you love your friends as much as you love anyone else in your life.
• You have to find someone that will suit you, someone you feel comfortable with - not just someone to make love to.
• As a word, love can be found worldwide and is often used to describe compassion and/or emotional attachment. Accepting those you love for who they are is part of love. You also need to learn to accept yourself before you can accept another. If you cannot love yourself, how are you to love another?
• Love genuinely. Do not compare your feelings now to what your feelings were when you were with another mate. At times, we can experience rejection.
• Realize that love is a feeling that I can describe and attempt to assist, but ultimately, you are the one who must take action in order to discover love.
• Do things that make the other person feel good and happy, but do not smother them with gifts and attention.
• Consider some tips about what people in love do.
• People in love are sensitive to each other's needs, and endeavour to meet them even when they do not feel like doing it.
• Men and women may be equal in value but different by nature. People who truly are in love give their mates "space" to develop their potential and find their fulfillment in life.
• Love does not brag. People who are truly in love refrain from rehearsing their good traits just to show off. Bragging in a relationship often is really defensiveness.
• People who are truly in love do not insist that their way is best and demand that their mates give in to them.
• People who are truly in love are considerate of each other's feelings and courteous in their actions toward one another. Sadly, sarcasm is a way of life for some couples. They ridicule each other, belittle each other and trade jibes with a fury. They may say it is all in fun, but it leaves wounds that will someday become festering sores.
• People who are truly in love look out for their mate's best interests as much as their own. Those in love should be concerned not only about their own individual interests, but about the interests of the other as well.
• People who are truly in love control their anger when the other displeases them. We are all human, and all humans feel anger periodically, but we only express our anger in destructive ways when we are counting on someone else to meet our needs.
• People who truly love each other do not take pleasure in their mate's disappointments or failures.
• People who truly love each other treat their mates with absolute trust. Some husbands and wives torment themselves with groundless suspicions. If you look for trouble you will find it every time.
• People who truly love look forward to their relationship growing more meaningful and precious. They have hope. Which is an attitude that happily anticipates the good. It isn't being blind and denying that there are problems, but it does look beyond the problems. People who truly love each other do not allow their problems to rob them of their happiness.
• Sometimes love is all we need. Remember there is no failure in love, because once you tell somebody whom you love, that you love him/her, then you have already succeeded in love.

Warnings:

• You must love yourself before you can love another
• There is always the risk of getting hurt, but that's part of letting yourself fully love and trust someone. Being hurt could be long-lasting and could hurt more than anything in the world.
• Realize what you have while you have it, and care for the person you trust.
• If something comes to an end, try to let go rather than holding on; it's for the best.
• The idea of love is fueled by childhood fantasies. The love shown in movies, as obtainable as it may be, is rare to say the least.
• You just may find your soulmate sooner than you intended.
• If you feel any doubt of the love your partner has for you, make sure that your suspicions are grounded in reality. If you hurt your partner as a result of undeserved mistrust, he/she may end up doubting both your love for them and theirs for you.
• Don't ask for love. You should receive love because your partner wants to give you love, not because you want it from your partner.
• Do not force love. It will come in good time—perhaps not with the person you initially want, but love definitely will come if you are willing to share it with someone.