Chapter 4: How to Date a Hopelessly Romantic Person When You Are Not Hopelessly Romantic

Are you with someone who is captivated by love stories, candlelight dinners, and old-fashioned chivalry? If you and your significant other have very different ideas of what romance should be, here is how to come to terms with your differences.


Steps:

1. Understand that there is a reason that we are attracted to the people we are attracted to.This is because relationships are the learning playground of life. How we choose to relate to others gives us information about ourselves. When we see things that we like in others, it illuminates those things that we like and admire in ourselves. And when we see things that we dislike in others, it often signals that we dislike something in ourselves.
2. Consider what your opinion says about you. For example, if you like that they are "hopelessly romantic," you may have your own "hopelessly romantic" side that you would like to bring more attention to. If you dislike that they are so hopelessly romantic, it may mean that you have closed down the idea of romance in yourself, and their romance serves to remind you of all of the ways in which you were hurt when you were deeply connected to someone.
3. Give yourself permission to see the world differently. You do not have to see the world as a hopeless romantic does in order to relate to one. Your perception--as well as theirs--has merit, and is worthy of your appreciation and attention.
4. Ask yourself what you most want in a relationship. (e.g. trust, support, laughter, romance) and see if being in a relationship with this person would enable you to feel and have what you most want.
5. Have fun exploring and talking with this person in ways that allow you both to express and experience romance that feels fun, safe, and honest.
6. Remember the essence of romance is doing something that you would not normally do, simply because you care. You may never buy a bunch of flowers for yourself, and that's exactly what makes it special. The recipient knows you did it just to show you care, and for no other reason. Thoughtful, sacrificial effort is what makes a great long-term relationship. And it's the secret to "happily ever after." In other words, you're setting patterns and expectations that could last a lifetime.

Warnings:

• Drama is not a relationship. If you are experiencing lots of drama while in a relationship, it is a good time to take a look at how you might connect in new and different ways that feel great and are mutually supportive and fun for both of you.
• Dating is not marriage. Do not feel bad about breaking up and finding someone more compatible.
• Hopeless romantics can be low-maintenance dates/partners. Instead of needing to wow them with expensive gifts, dinners, and vacations, you can please them with gestures that are less expensive. Taking late-night walks, cooking a fancy dinner at home, and writing love letters are just a few things you can do to keep your hopelessly romantic partner happy without breaking the bank.
• Remember that romance doesn't have to be "hopeless." Our outward expressions of love can become the emotional framework for a relationship. These expressions tell us if we are in a relationship that is reciprocal, supportive, or healthy. Often, if we do not feel like expressing that love for our partner, we do not love them like we pretend to. When we express ourselves to our partner, emotionally and physically, we take the category of "love" and elevate it--make it greater than some place-holder that at times stands for little more than "dogged commitment."