Awhile ago, Alice Choo was happy about her pre-wedding photo session and terrible news struck her yesterday morning when her grand mother had passed away. I'm sorry to hear that and my sincere condolences to your family too.
Alice spoke to me about this and it also brought back memories that I could not keep my word to 3 important women in my life that strive to live everyday hoping to see their heritage and generation of Ching Dynasty would live on... unfortunately, the 3, which comprises of: my great grandmother, my grandmother and mother a.k.a. the Empress Dowager of modern times...
A "royal decree" was summoned down to me that I had to be married by the age of 30 and they want their grand kids soonest possible. Last month, my Great Grandmother passed away before that could happen. The last time I ever took a photo with her was in 2005. Even my great grandmother has a better memory than my grandmother and surprisingly, she would be able to remember me and ask me about my fate and relationship. Even upon her dying breathe, she still calls out for this... something which is of great guilt to me and unfilial as I could not even provide a slightest comfort to them.
What progress have I made? None... I've not even started anything yet and the only thing I can do is wait and wait for a long time. It's not for me to say when or If it would happen. But I could only wait and be patient and be disciplined and learn not to give up. A test put forth to me which I cannot even be confident that I could pass because everyone around me has already begun to drop like flies.
I had not wished for a lot.. but perhaps at least if I could appease them with some sort of hope but I can't. I have no face or even any dignity to return. As history repeats itself once again, the Last Emperor has failed to restore faith and let the Ching Dynasty blood flows on. As Tony would say to Vilson and I, he's a Limited Edition. I, soon, will be that Special Limited Edition too...
The rise and fall of a Dynasty is at the hands of my uselessness. The empire I built is nothing; just like the Tyrant that the Dragon Emperor once did, which dictated his Kingdoms but only fell to the only Enemy: Mortality. Doesn't this teach us that not every power or every wealth can buy us happiness and immortality?
Why must we begin to regret it now when we knew that wasting more time would only lead to further sufferings? Why is it that we see our loved ones around us leave us forever, only do we start to regret and still not do anything about it? Do we have to wait till we're orphans only we realize that they only wanted us to be happy and feel contended that we're ready to be independent and capable of being on our own?
Not everyone will have that luck as in Jeudi and Lundi would have. Their depth of love was very strong and bottomless. But as the legend speaks, must the flame start to die out only will we know that it was too late and we should have put down all our negativity and look forward? Why do we need such a long time to be an excuse for recovery?
Why don't we just make everyday a happy day for both rather than another day of sadness for either/both. Only to take up the truth and by then, its too late.
Many may asked, why the topic has gone so defensive and assaulting... Ask Andy Lau and Carol Choo how they felt when Carol's father passed away. It's the exact same situation. The privacy that Andy and Carol would like to have. The commitments and sacrifices they both placed. And worse part of all, was the father able to see everything well done?
I rest my case. I'm destined to just wait and disappoint a million people just to please one.
