Chapter 27: How to Forget the Boy You Loved

Have seen a few cases lately and received a fan mail or two that talks about it. Having not written for quite some time already, I decided to publish this chapter to help them both. Guys, do remember that, this article can also be practiced somewhat to help you move on. It's vice versa to be exact.


Forgetting love may be hard but sometimes things happen. Try forgetting him. Its just a waste of time loving someone that does not loves you. Be smart be confident.


Steps


1. Try distracting yourself. Play games and change your daily activities.

2. Meet people and find other boys that suits you. Firstly, it could be hard but it's worth it

3. Never think about the boy you loved. Remember to be strong.share your loneliness with a friend, siblings or classmates.

4. Never give up. Understand the purpose of you forgetting him and you will automatically realise how nonsensical you've been by loving the boy who did not love you.

Tips

• Feel good about yourself always. Don't ever feel down or sad.always remember that its never your fault.
• Remember to accept the truth that the one you have loved will never be yours.
• Think that being in love with someone will not always have a happy ending like you see in the fairy tales.
• Be positive and if you can think that many will be more deserving for your love.

Warnings

• You may not succeed at first but continuous effort will definitely bear fruits.

Chapter 26: How to Form a Strong Bond in Your Relationship

Relationships are a tricky thing. They have their ups and downs. It is something that like anything else in this world needs work. If we let ourselves be loved and let things be we have much higher chance to maintain a good relationship.


Steps:

1. Be sensitive to the need of each other. When you notice any differences in your partner's behaviour, ask how is she/he is; is he/she tired or happy? A lot of times we fail to ask how our partner is because we often times so wrapped up in ourselves that we neglect each other.
2. Don't mix up the house environment with work environment. If there is any problem that is frustrating at work don't bring it at home.
3. Once in awhile give something to each other to cheer each other up. It can be a kiss, hug, candle, or a simple thank you. Remember that celebrating your loved one is not just for Valentine day.
4. Be grateful for the things each other has.
5. Look at the big picture. Don't waste each other's energy on the things that don't matter. Those things are people's affairs or non-constructive arguments.

Tips:

• Don't try to be perfect, just be you.
• Look for positive things in each other.
• Trust each other.
• Forgive each other if you have an argument.
• Don't rush into anything.
• Have patience with each other.

Chapter 25: How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

I was just thinking for awhile ago that Ai Tieng said she was out of a LDR and is now back in one again. It's sometimes rather painful for one to be in and it's more painful to be either out or being kicked out of one. My cousin Ying Yueh then told me about this guy in her life that has a LDR with another person in Singapore and seeing that the girl is kinda attach-y and clingy, I reminded her that it's not always easy to be with such people. But, for the sake of those experiencing it and being in one before, here's some idea that may help you work better. Today, we look at how to make a LDR work or at least, last:

If you are willing to work it out, here's how to give it every chance to survive and thrive.

Remember that it can work out, statistics show that an estimated 2.9% of US marriages were considered long distance, with 1 in 10 marriages reported to have included a period at long distance within the first 3 years.

Steps:

1. Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. Setting parameters such as naming your relationship (dating, seeing each other, boyfriend-girlfriend, engaged) as well as defining exclusive (limited to one person,) or non-exclusive. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Example: "Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?" or "What are you looking to get out of the relationship?" Stating your end goal or ideas will allow each person to maintain what they need.
2. Consider using Skype video chat calls every day, and focus on breathing together to share intimacy
3. Do things together. Defy the distance. As a long distance couple, it's important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important. Just think... People in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie simultaneously.
4. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Remember that e-mail and even instant messengers can increase the possibility of misunderstandings. Write love letters. Send small gifts, cards, or men send flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand—you don't take communication for granted!
   • You can set up reminders, including automatically-recurring reminders, for this purpose in calendaring software on your computer or online. This is especially important when you don't have much contact with the other's friends to remember important events such as birthdays. Try not to keep too predictable a schedule; for instance, don't send flowers the same day of each month.
5. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality—something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.
6. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.
7. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match—or someone else is a better match—your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.
8. Try challenging each other. This is not the same as being controlling. You may find that you can do things for each other that you couldn't quite find the motivation to do on your own. Perhaps you could motivate yourselves to get some exercise or to cook better or more often. It will give you something to do while you wait to see your partner again, and it will give you both something to strive for and talk about until then.
9. Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.
10. Remember: Things will get better with time, and even the relationship will become better. Have hope.
11. Visit often. Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone call. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some "rules" about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them. Consistency can help a long-distance relationship survive.
12. Avoid jealousy and be trusting. One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship, you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worthy of trust until proven otherwise. Don't fall in the trap of interrogating your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven't met or he/she didn't get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a long-distance relationship doesn't mean your lives will pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure, it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive, but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.
13. Be positive. Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a long-distance relationship is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive point is that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, to communicate better since you don't have "face-to-face" time and to test (and express) your feelings. As long as you see the long-distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.
14. Give them a personal object of yours so in a time of need, when they miss you, they are able to hold on to something that once belonged to you. This will provide comfort, happiness, and the thought of being with you.
15. Work towards a balanced relationship between partners. A relationship must be built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that the relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about. But don't forget to ask some questions because if you don't, your partner may start to think that you're losing interest.
16. Create your own set of relationship standards that both of you have mutually agreed upon. That creates a common goal for you to work towards, developing a strong relationship whether you are together or apart. For example, agree to disagree, accept each other as you are, practice trust and honesty, strive towards compromise and self-sacrifice, seek spiritual unity, and maintain open communication.
17. Remember that you're still in a relationship. You HAVE to be there for your partner. If your partner is ever in trouble, or hurt, or whatever, you have to be there for them. And sometimes, distance permitting of course, that means being actually, physically there for them. You aren't having a cyber-relationship.

Tips:

• Remember "Always toward absent lovers love's tide stronger flows."
• Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
• Express yourself to free up emotional weight. A poet who's written poetry as a result of a long-distance relationship is Tony Berndtsson - look him up.
• A long-distance relationship is no different from a proximal relationship in that they both require a great deal of work, excellent communication, patience, sacrifice and understanding. But you will have to work extra hard to maintain the communication and to stay focused enough to not let your daily life interfere with your desire to be with the other person. Don't forget them or you can forget the relationship and it will all be over.
• Sometimes phone/email/IM communication can get bland. Don't forget there are other ways to interact! Use the internet and find things you both can do together. It takes the pressure off, it gives you a break from constant talking, and it can be fun.
• One of the hardest parts of a long distance relationship is connecting when one person gets busier than the other. If this happens in a relationship, it is important to maintain communication. If you are the busy person, try to warn your partner ahead of time that you will be working many hours and may have limited time. If you are the not-as-busy person, take advantage of the time by picking up a new hobby, getting in shape, reading a new book, etc. Flexibility is very important.
• It helps to have a solid time in the future for when the long distance part of the relationship will end, no matter the time length. Without it, the relationship can begin to mold into something that is always distant—even with great communication. With it, each person can see the point at which the distance will end and work harder to keep emotions readily available.
• When talking to your partner, take note of things they enjoy the most (hobbies, day-to-day activities, etc.), and do a little research on it so you have more to do when you see them next. For example: If your partner likes to dance, find the location of different clubs where you will see them next. If you don't know how to dance, take lessons and you will impress them by your willingness to make an effort on their behalf.
• Choose a game that you can play together over the internet, whether it is a MMORPG (massively multi-player online role playing game) or something more traditional, such as chess or Scrabble. You will be able to chat while playing and it will give a greater feeling of togetherness.
• Mail each other scented clothes (or even clothes smelling of your sweat—pheromones are a great way to establish intimate contact). If you can see each other once a week, leave a t-shirt splashed with cologne for your lover before you leave.
• Send each other spontaneous ecards.
• Make a creative countdown and mail it to your partner to enjoy until you see each other next. For example, create a photo calendar, with something you add for each day to describe what you love about them.
• Do not set unreasonable expectations for your visit and/or future plans. Fantasizing about the visit is fine, but not out loud verbally or by email to your partner. Instead, enjoy the excitement of the surprises to come. By stating that a surprise is coming can allow to much thought time for the receiver and leaves both of you open to disappointments.
• The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook is a well-balanced, practical book for couples in long distance relationships who need some guidance.
• Buy a webcam so you can chat "face-to-face" and see each other, so when you meet you will remember how your partner looks.
• Living far apart gives you both a chance to grow as individuals. Some couples break up to "find themselves", but in a long distance relationship you both have enough space to do your own things and still have a connection.
• Don't be afraid to talk about the "boring" parts of your day. The trickier, almost subconscious part is maintaining the feeling of being intermingled in your partner's life, a state the experts often refer to as "interrelatedness."
• It's important to talk about the future. If you're not sure how long you will be apart, try to make goals for when you can move near one another again.
• Spice things up by meeting halfway (if it's within a reasonable distance) to grab a bite to eat or get some coffee. This is a great alternative if you're not able to dedicate an entire weekend with your significant other.
• Don't talk on the phone TOO often. Since most of your relationship is based off of phone calls, you don't want to run out of things to talk about for the whole day. Calling one to two times daily will allow you to talk to each other without having repetitive conversations.

Warnings:

• Remember, every kind of relationship takes hard work and dedication to your loved one or partner, whether it's long distance or proximal. If you and your partner are willing to take these steps, then expect bumps and turns in the road. These bumps and turns will only help contribute towards a relationship.
• Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. They can be very trying (but so can proximal relationships).
• Long distance relationships can and will test you and your partner; you need to trust him/her entirely, lest paranoia play a major part in the demise of your relationship. Also, these kinds of relationships can bring a lot of disappointment and heartache, depending on the time you spend away from each other. It is very important that if you want this relationship to work, you must make a great effort not to drift apart.
• Long distance relationships are difficult, as you are emotionally attached to a person you cannot touch or comfort and this can hurt your heart and wreak havoc with your emotions. The only way to make these relationships work is if you and your partner honestly believe you will be able to survive without each other for a considerable amount of time. In a relationship, you may have negative thoughts or feelings that are not true, you may doubt your love feelings, or, because of some fights over the phone, you may feel that you don't feel the way you did before for your partner. But these feelings are like demons that will eat up the charm of your beautiful relationship.
• Remember, fights are a part of any relationship, and it's up to you to deal with it or to succumb to it. You may end up your life in making and breaking relations and finally landing nowhere or in such a relation that is just socially accepted without your full involvement. If you do, you just spoil your and your partner's life.
• When you are alone, take out time to see the photos of your love or any gift that he/she has given or any romantic card from them. At night, before sleeping, try to recollect those wonderful moments that you spent with your love. Try to get cozy with him/her in your dreams. Try to imagine yourself in his/her arms being intimately close to him/her. Remember those times when he/she cared for you.
• In a relationship, try to make every possible effort from your side, or you may complicate your life with heartbreaks because when you got into a relationship, it was Love, and also now, it's love but more than love: it's commitment that is most important as love may fade away with time, but it's your positive attitude that will keep it alive.
• A long distance relationship is a lot like having a pen pal. Keep that in mind.
• It's easier to get into arguments in a long-distance relationship, because you can't always discern what someone's actual tone is through text. It's also a lot easier to say hurtful things when you're not face-to-face, but the words can hurt just the same. Take special care to watch how you interpret their words (for it might not be what they meant), and what you say when you're angry.

Chapter 24: How to Ask a Female Friend out on a Date

So you have a female friend who you see as more than a friend, huh? Here's how to ask her out on a date without ruining your friendship, or your ego.


Steps:

1. Look for signals that she likes you, rather than perceiving you as more of a brotherly figure. Learn to read her body language. Does she flirt with you? But does she flirt with everybody? Is she interested in another guy?
2. Wait for the right moment. It should be when you two are alone and feel comfortable and relaxed. You can slip it into a conversation casually, but make it clear that it'd be just the two of you. Suggest playfully that you can be her date for the night and show her how a real man treats a woman.
3. Ask her out! Whether you propose a trip to the movies or offer to cook her dinner, be prepared for the fact that she's probably too nice to say no, but might misinterpret your question as just a friendly gesture. Again, make it clear that this is a date.
4. When the night is over be sure not to invite yourself in. Let her ask you. And when you are inside (If you are inside) don't pressure her right into the bedroom. If she's interested in letting you in chances are she is interested in that as well. So let her take you in, not the other way around. Remember you are friends and you would like to still be friends after the night is over!
5. See what music she's into! Find out who her celebrity crush is; she might have a crush on Nick Jonas or David Archuleta! Find out how to be like them (but not too much, just see what you can make happen). She might enjoy hanging around someone who acts like her dream date. If you go overboard then she might think you are trying to be just like them and she'll find that stalkerish and creepy. Make her a CD of her favorite singer. She would love to have a CD made from one of her friends!

Tips:

• If you must call her, and usually see her during the day, say something like "I wanted to ask you earlier but I didn't see you all day.". Make sure you actually didn't see her much that day.
• Too many people get caught up in doing it the "right" way, that they just end up looking stupid. Just relax. You know it's going to be awkward. She knows it's going to be awkward. So the best thing to do is just do it. Forget about looking stupid and try to have fun.
• Just ask straight out, and don't act embarrassed about it.
• Ask her alone. She may feel uncomfortable and embarrassed if her friends are around. That may cause her just to say no, no matter how she feels.
• Study dates are less uncomfortable and a good excuse. Especially if she has been dropping hints about failing a subject or just having troubles.
• Don't wear strange clothing or funny hats. Just because it's a date, it doesn't mean you have to wear a suit. If you are going to a sort-of fancy restaurant, you can wear jeans with clean, nice, sneakers and a polo or buttoned-shirt. If you are going to a movie or a diner for your date, you can wear the first two items with a nice t-shirt. Don't dress too casual though and wear your exercising shoes or torn-up jeans (torn-up jeans just make you look sloppy) with a jersey from your favorite team. Jerseys for dates are very simple. You can wear your favorite team cap though, but don't wear any hats that you would for crazy hat day at school (such as colorful top hats with springs and dolls hanging). Just dress nice, and you'll feel just fine. She may feel too embarrassed to be named "The Girl Who Dates The Weird Kid" even if your personality rocks.
• Take it slow. You don't want to ask her out after knowing her for 3 days. Love at first sight doesn't always work both ways, you know.
• Then again, don't take it too slow. If she says she likes you, and you told her you like her, then ask her out! Don't wait 2 months because that can be a huge turn off. It shows her that you are not confident enough to talk to a girl. Come on, that is so 3rd grade.
• Show her that you are interested in her. Pay more attention to her than to her friends. Girls can get pretty jealous sometimes. Where did you think the phrase "Cat fight" came from? Those girls had to be fighting over something, right?
• Be well groomed, and clean. Smell pleasant but not overly scented. That is a huge turn off for most girls.
• Have fun. If you are just talking or playing a game, at least look like you're having fun. Most likely she will be too worried to see if you are enjoying yourself to have any fun herself. So if you are, she will be relieved and when it comes to asking her out, she will know that you are sincere and not joking.
• Compliment her on her laugh, smile, looks, or something like that. But do not do this if it is not true. Make sure you really do like that something before you say so.
• Asking her out over email is considerate to her because it gives her time to think before responding, and at the same time it may not be the best for you because it makes it easy for her to say no.
• Even if she says no, the fact that you asked may get her thinking about the romantic possibilities.
• Don't say "I haven't done this before, but would you like to go on a date with me". It's a relationship breaker!

Warnings:

• Never lead her on. Tactfully tell her right away if you find you are no longer interested in her. If you do lead her on, girls are pretty good about guessing. It will not go smoothly between you two if she does find out that you were leading her on. And most chances are that she will.
• Be prepared for rejection. It happens to everyone. It will look very good on your behalf if you take it calmly without bursting into tears or getting mad or something.Most chances that she will feel worse than you do just by turning you down.
• Be honest with yourself if she has been sending signals that she's not interested.
• Don't act like a completely different person because your on a date because if she likes you enough to go on a date with you she doesn't want some clown to take her on a date she wants the guy she knows.
• Don’t brag about something you've done recently. That can make you sound immature.

Chapter 23: How to Become a Better Lover

Have you ever been fully desired, loved and admired by another? Feels great, doesn't it. These are simple skills that are easy to learn and can be used immediately, whether you are intending to achieve sexual intimacy or simply offer gracious social admiration in any setting; here's how:


Steps:

1. Focus on your partner. The person to whom you intend to show affection must become your single point of attention. You will be a great lover if they feel they are the only person in the world when they are with you. That is the impression you are trying to make when you begin with focus.
2. Have some optimism. You must be upbeat when expressing your sentiments to them, whether about them personally, the situation or the condition of the world at large--be an uplifting presence that helps them see the better things around them, especially about themselves
3. Make sure to listen, see and feel how the other person is responding to your attention at every step--the object here is to find the correct tempo that the other person is capable of hearing, seeing and fully feeling your expressions of affection. This is about them, not about you having a stage and acting out--you are always seeking to understand their experience of you so you can again make it even better.
4. Show your enthusiasm. You must express optimistic sentiments with a passion that is infectious to them. Bring them a wave of positive emotions to carry them towards pleasures in themselves and the world around them and they will be yours forever.
5. Develop your humor. After having enjoyed passions of the moment and retired from your warm, mutual cocoon of focus it is very important to not offer judgment about such experience with any great seriousness--be light, be self-deprecating and be natural in your sense of humor about yourself, the other and life in general. This is the perfect tonic for Life as well.
6. Notice the small things. If you really love the one you're with, and you watch them closely enough, you'll come to realize that they have certain habits and ticks that you will come to adore. Most people only see these things after a long time in their relationships, but if you get a head start now, you will start acting more loving with your partner and feeling closer to him or her.

Tips:

• "Smile first, then ask..."*
• If you are not getting receptive progress then reflect upon your own intent and pacing of interaction with the other--are you rushing your attentions, not being intense enough in the moment or simply too casual to make an impression?
• If you can become a master of self-awareness, you can become a master of other-awareness...and vice versa: it's easy and fun to do.
• If you truly enjoy helping other people feel good about themselves you can become the greatest lover...and all others, in turn, will truly love you.

Warnings:

• If you try using these techniques to manipulate and harm other people you will experience greater suffering and self-loathing than you already do; but of course, this greater suffering could be what works best to shock you out of the petty existence you're imagining at the moment you try to manipulate and harm others.

Things You'll Need:

• a positive intent
• deliberate, methodical and focused effort
• an object of your affection (any mammalian species will do for practice)

Chapter 22: How to Cope With Insecurities and Anxiety About Your Relationship

Relationships can be the scariest thing sometimes. With insecurities, not even the strongest, most independent women and men can go unaffected when in a relationship. Anxiety just makes you fret about your insecurities. With these tips, they won't make your insecurities or anxiety go away immediately. But they may be able to help you shed light on why you feel this way.


Steps:

1. Explore why you feel insecure and what do you feel insecure about. Also, if possible, explore where these insecure came from. If you're unsure, do some serious consideration. Insecurities don't sprout up overnight.
2. Talk it over with your significant other about your insecurities. They will never know these things if you never tell them.
3. Talk it over with someone else (friend or family) who you can bounce ideas off of.
4. Find ways to eliminate your anxiety. Every person is different in how they deal. One person may love meditation, another may love being extremely busy all the time. Try to preoccupy yourself, it will be a great distraction from your insecurities and will give you a reprieve on your anxiety.
5. If you're having fears about losing your partner, explore the worst case scenarios. Does the relationship ending mean that the world also ends? No. It means the little world you had with that one person ends, but it is something you are able to recover from. What you're fearing is the pain and the potential rejection that comes from the relationship ending. It's natural to fear these things, but it's worth it to say it's possible to recover from it.
6. Examine yourself. It is possible that your mood can be affected by a bad day, or having a bad night's sleep? It's easy to get negative if we're already in that mind frame.
7. Be honest about the relationship. Actions speak louder than words. If you're insecure because of how your SO is acting towards you, then that's something to explore. Sometimes there can be a legitimate reason for why we're feeling a certain way.

Tips:

• Communication is key! You can't regret effectively communicating with your SO. But if you never communicated with them, it makes it harder for the relationship to grow.
• Volunteering, writing, painting, video games, exercise, friends are all good examples on how to handle your anxiety.

Warnings:

• If your partner is intentionally making you feel insecure, then it's time to end it. They're being a jerk and that's not what you deserve.
• Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, doing drugs, self-mutilation, participating in fight clubs or dogfights, sleeping around with other people, or making doilies are all bad examples on how to handle your anxiety (kidding with that last part).

Chapter 21: How to Get Over a Broken Engagement

Getting over a broken engagement is never easy - your dreams, hopes, and future wishes are all completely dashed in a moment. The bridal magazines sit around, the suit or dress might even be hanging in the wardrobe, and invitations remain unsent... This article suggests ways in which you can begin to emerge from the shock and start to forge a new and different future for yourself after a broken engagement. Instead of saying "I do" to marriage, you can choose to say "I do" to accepting the challenge to move on and find your feet in the world again.


Steps:

1. Realize that no matter what led to this event, you remain a good and worthy person. For whatever reason, it is an outcome that has forced you to see a different future. And while right now it is hard to see a path ahead, there is one, and likely it is one that includes the right person coming along when the time is right. Do not begin to think that you are never going to find someone "as good as him/her" again. You will, it just doesn't seem like that right now. And resist the temptation to find yourself unworthy in any respect. It is a situation of two people not working out rather than you as an individual not working out.
2. Remove reminders. Anything that reminds you of your ex-fiancé needs to leave your surroundings. This is important so that you can move on and let go. That means either throwing it away (if you cannot bring yourself to return it) or putting it in a box out of the way. Get someone else to return items of value and sentimental interest to your ex-fiancé if you cannot face seeing him or her right now; this is kinder than junking it. Be the strong one.
3. Let out your emotions. Cry if you see fit and perhaps wallow in your sorrows for a few days. It is OK to feel rotten; this is life-dashing stuff you are experiencing. However, set yourself a deadline to pull yourself up and get ready to make a new life for yourself. Every ending has a new beginning, that is the way of life, the world and the universe.
4. Let others know. After you have a good grip on yourself, inform anybody that was aware of the wedding (if a date had been set) that one will no longer be held. The sooner this is done, the better, so that airfares can be redeemed, accommodations canceled and gifts returned. If you already have gifts, be sure to send them back promptly with a kind "thank you" message.
5. Spend time with people who care about you. Go and spend time with friends and family to get your mind off your broken engagement. You need to be around people who support, love, and cherish you right now. And you never know, during times like these, you often find one person who has been through just what you're going through right now. Let them reach out to you; they'll have good advice to share, as well as being living proof you'll get through fine.
6. Take that honeymoon. Even if you hadn't yet booked one, it is a really super idea to grab a friend or even go it alone and take a break somewhere away from your hometown. Go and do something different, something wild, something unique. The difference will do you a lot of good. And while you're away, remember to relax and totally pamper yourself. If you want that gold bracelet and triple decker chocolate ice cream, now is not a time for holding back.
7. Learn, forgive and grow. An engagement is made of two people. Trying to see fault on either side is a situation that will feed resentment and hold you back. You might want to see him or her as being at fault but it is more likely that both of you saw signs along the way but chose to plow on regardless. Analyze a little but don't over-analyze. Accept that both of you might have done things differently but that perhaps this is a sign that it was not going to be a match made in heaven and it is better to know now than later. Be grateful you have had the experience, wish the other side well, and work on letting your forgiveness override blaming either yourself or the other party.
8. Give him (or her) the engagement ring back. If you have one, this is not only fair but wise. You don't want to hold onto it, and if you sell it, you may feel rotten.

Tips:

• Watch out for the rebound. If you are really emotionally fragile, steer clear of intimate relationships for a while until you are stronger and your judgment is no longer clouded.
• Do not be embarrassed that your engagement has ended. It is a time of celebration. Think about the results if you had married this person and later on the incompatibilities caused divorce-worthy rifts?
• Take care of yourself but also consider others. To stop yourself wallowing too much, get involved in volunteering - you'll see there are many people with hardships and yours is but one. Although a significant setback, a broken engagement is not a reason to give up on living life to your best ability.
• Don't completely rule out getting back together. In some cases a broken engagement can allow a couple to reflect on their own blind spots and change themselves for the better. Then if the opportunity arises, just maybe it would work out for them to start things over with a clean slate. If neither party is willing to change, stay away from each other! But if your issues have been resolved, give it another shot... carefully of course. A broken engagement can have a happy ending.

Warnings:

• If you feel a lack on interest in friends and family, cry constantly, and have trouble motivating yourself, you may be suffering from mild depression and should seek the advice of a therapist.