SELDOM HEARD CONVERSATIONS WITH PILOTS

Here are some conversations that the airline passengers don't hear.
The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots
and control towers around the world.....

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock , 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
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"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a
727?"
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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic
is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got
the little Fokker in sight."
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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While  attempting
to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC ask ed, "What was your last
known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long
roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the
end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the
airport."
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There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two,
behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine
approach."
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Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around
and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was
the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."
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A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard
the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."
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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after
we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we
copied Eastern.. We've already notified our caterers."
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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of
the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out,
turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted
comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little
plane.
Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back
with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like
yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
parking  location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So
it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,
call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I 'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you
not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, --
and I didn't land."
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While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight
departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose
with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto
Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
difficult  for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You
can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour
and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how
I tell you! You got  that,  US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground
control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal
bashing of US Air 2771.

Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her
current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was
definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his
microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

By the year 3000

The Year 3000 is always been perceived as one of the most Hi-Tech Era, where Terminators and Star Wars or Star Trek would be sort of possible. Well, assuming those space wraps and teleportation becomes the usual thing. Then, here's the Earth as we know it, the Brandon C way...

   

 

 

  

 

New Vocab from Oxford Dictionary (Singapore Edition)

1) LILY - adverb. extremely, really.
               "Wah, you lily can sing well ah!"

2) VALLEY - adverb. extremely (same with lily).
                     "Look! My Versachee belt, valley nice hor?"

3) GORGES - adjective. stunningly beautiful, normally found with valley.
                       "Wah! Ah Beng's girlflan is valley gorges leh!"

4) CORAL - verb. to bicker.
                   "Why, you not happy, ah? Wan t to coral, is it?"

5) REEF - (normally followed with coral) to argue with.
                "You lily wantto coral reef me ah?"

6) ALTITUDE - adjective. a disagreeable demeanour. "
                         "Ah Lian lily got a bad altitude ploblem".

7) CIRRUS - adjective. certain.
                    "You cirrus or not? Dun bruff!"

8) CANOPY - phrase. impossible.
                      "He bought new handphone? Canopy lah! Where got money?"

9) OLDLADY - adjective. completed.
                         "Wah...you finish oldlady ah."

10) SUIT - verb. to project forward.
                "Suit! Suit! See goalkeeper come out oldlady."

11) SOW - verb. to reveal.
                 "Sow me, sow me your new ting."

12) LOAD - noun. a path normally made up of gravel & tar.
                  "We go Orchard Load leh."

13) BLINK - verb. deliver, send.
                    "What you blink for me? Sow me, sow me."

With ENGELIST (ENGLISH) like dat... we all "white white finish" OLD LADY (already).... Those who know hokkien/hockien, would know what I mean.

Toyota New Model Launch

Dear all,

With the current petrol prices skyrocketing, Toyota have pre-emptively
launched a new model to capture the market upfront. According to
reliable sources, this new model does not run on petrol nor diesel. It
is a new technological breakthrough in engine design using only
biodegradable material and with very low maintenance costs.

To avoid any last minute rush or stock out, please place _early booking_
preferably _six months_ in advance.

Happy Motoring

Cheers!!!!** 8-) **

the red shirt

My sister emailed me this and I was wondering anyone could decipher what does the brown pants do...

The red Shirt:
The captain of the merchant ship and his crew were very distant from the nearest port of call when they saw a pirate ship approaching. This threw the men into great fear, but their skipper instructed his first mate to " Bring me my red shirt!" When the pirates boarded his ship, he led his men into battle and successfully fought off the pirates. A few hours later however, the look-out spotted another 2 pirate ships on the horizon. Again, the captain shouted "Bring me my red shirt!" Again, he and his crew fought off the pirates.

 

Exhausted, they lay on the ship's deck. One crew member could not help himself and enquired of the captain "Why do you always put on your red shirt when you fight the pirates?". He answered "So that if I bleed, you will not see my blood and will continue fighting!" The crew were amazed at his bravery.

 

Before dawn however, the ship's look-out shouted "10 pirate ships approaching!" This time, the captain instructed his first mate to "Bring me my brown pants!"

********************************************

Anyone could explain what does the brown pants do?

Things you don't see everyday in parts of the world...

In a Bangkok temple:
"IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN."


Cocktail lounge, Norway:
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."


Doctors office, Rome:
"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES."


Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
"DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS."


In a Nairobi restaurant:
"CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER!"


On an Athi River highway:this is the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi.
"TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."


On a poster at Kencom:
"ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ?  IF SO, WE CAN HELP."


In a City restaurant:
"OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS."


A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."


In a cemetery:
"PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES."


Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
"GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED."


On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."


In a Tokyo bar:
"COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."


Hotel, Yugoslavia:
"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."


Hotel, Japan:
"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."


In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."


A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
"IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE."


Hotel, Zurich:
"BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE."


Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"


The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
"GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE."


In a Swiss mountain inn:
"SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM."


Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
"WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."


A laundry in Rome:
"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."

Modern Mooncakes

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival to all. Here's a nice series of Mooncakes that's more for keeping than eating. Check them out:

Weekly Top 10 Charts

Brandon C is going on his spree again to do his Weekly Top 10 Charts and here's the charts this week:

Billboard _______________________________________
1.    I Gotta Feeling - The Black Eyed Peas
2.    Run This Town - Jay-Z, Rihanna and Kanye West
3.    Down - Jay Sean, featuring Lil Wayne
4.    You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
5.    Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z and Alicia Keys
6.    Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus
7.    Paparazzi - Lady Gaga
8.    Forever - Drake, featuring Kanye West, Lil Wayne and Eminem
9.    Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
10.  Whatcha Say - Jason DeRulo

hitz.fm ________________________________________
1.    I Gotta Feeling - The Black Eyed Peas
2.    I Wanna - All American Rejects
3.    No Surprise - Daughtry
4.    Falling For You - Colbie Callait
5.    You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
6.    Taking Back My Love - Enrique Iglesia, featuring Ciara
7.    New Divide - Linkin Park
8.    Love Game - Lady Gaga
9.    I Know You Want Me - Pitbull
10.  Obsessed - Mariah Carey

mix.fm ______________________________________
1.    Touch My Hand - David Archuleta
2.    Obsessed - Mariah Carey
3.    Falling For You - Colbie Callait
4.    Mama Do - Pixie Lott
5.    I Gotta Feeling - The Black Eyed Peas
6.    She is Love - Parachute
7.    Celebration - Madonna
8.    Smile  - Uncle Kracker
9.    Future Love - Kristina Debarge
10.  No Surprise - Daughtry

VMusic In Control ____________________________
1.    I Gotta Feeling - The Black Eyed Peas
2.    Touch My Hand - David Archuleta
3.    You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
4.    No Surprise - Daughtry
5.    Fire Burning - Sean Kingston
6.    If Today Was Your Last Day - Nickelback
7.    Halo - Beyonce
8.    Her Diamonds - Rob Thomas
9.    Obsessed - Mariah Carey
10.  The Climb - Miley Cyrus

iStream Most Wanted ___________________________
1.    I Gotta Feeling - The Black Eyed Peas

2.    No Boundaries - Kris Allen

3.    The Way I Are - Timbaland, featuring Francisco

4.    I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

5.    Just Dance - Lady Gaga, featuring Colby Odonis

6.    Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback

7.    Mad - Ne-Yo

8.    Fire Burning - Sean Kingston

9.    Come Back To Me - Utada Hikaru

10.  The Show - Lenka