It wasn't meant for what it was initially intended to do. It was more of creating a reaction towards the storm. Now the storm is there but it did not direct to my velocity thus I could not feel more than what I hope to feel.
Why did you not interact more with me? Why did you not want to hear what I wish to say again? Was it because you did not want it to strike hard into your heart? Did it affect you for hearing and knowing it? Many had wondered if the path I took was wrong. But, I myself could not answer whether what I chose was right or what we're facing thru is merely a publicity stunt. In fact, there was no need for a space that creates a black hole gap between amigos. A compadre is suppose to stick by the mucho libre all the way but strangely enough this partner did not tag him back. It has now became a one man show.
Last night, I cried... yes, a grown man cried. I was asked about the incident that took place 10years ago. The nightmare came back. It haunted me and paralyzed me. I had my hyperventilation but fortunately enough, I was much prepared and quickly took defensive measures to treat my relapse and stabilized my heart condition from getting worse. Of cos Dr. was there to assist and ease me further. When I was brought back to the very exact location and situation, I felt the pain... the agony... the truss that pierced through my heart just as it did 10yrs ago. Her eyes, as I remembered, the blood drip, the cries... the screaming... and how the sounds of every footsteps took rhythmic when I ran to the emergency ward. There was no resuscitation hope and I collapsed. That very moment, I felt like seeing and hearing one voice only. That voice was suppose to calm me and make me feel better. But my wish for my best buddy to be there for me will be as close as to impossible. I put the phone down and told myself to stop being so stupid. I had lost the one I formerly cared for most. My best buddy had removed herself from my life. I was almost alone and feeling that darkness and emptiness prior to Dr.'s voice reappearing again to remind me that I'm still here, in the house.
Today, I had quite a lot of talk with friendly people who would want to know what bothered me lately.
After much thought and hearing from neutral others, I could not help to ask myself. What they said, would it be true? Maybe you're repelling because you fell in love with me. Evasion is just one way of getting One out of the head but could never stop the Other from seeking the truth. Probably it may be wrong and most likely it's wrongly presumed but nonetheless, don't you think that things should be left the way it should be and have more "better times" than this?
I dare not comment further as I fear the assumption is true. It is now too late to turn back the hands of time for one has moved on and the other has it's own agenda. I only know that this ache inside will never end and things will never be the same, because you're as important in my life. A partner is One's left hand and a best buddy is the right hand. Now I've nothing but a handicap lefty... what's the motive left in life?
