Thank you, my Guardian... you've done your best (Lyrics to 'The Prayer')

Thank you for standing by me, Queenie. Going through a lot of things for a very long part of my years. Especially this year. Struggling from one problem to another. You've never stopped for one moment to ask me and give up but had always backed me up from all angles and aspects. From the time I received your 'special gift', it had already tried very hard to protect me and be that 'Guardian' it's suppose to be.

But in actual fact, you were the guardian in real life. I looked at it many times tonight and it helped mend the broken heart that could no longer be concealed or repaired... but luckily it reminded me of your existence. From the time you came into my life, walked into my small, pathetic crowded bedroom full of junk and stuff (trying to do your assignment from uni) till the very day that we still enjoy our lunch and your smiles. The Guardian has shown me that it has reached its limits. For example, when was the last encounter with J? Our fate has ended the moment I stupidly changed the course of my life. I honestly have only had thrice the moment this year. Whereas VS has had more times than I ever smiled this year.

Busy schedules, wrong timing, tired, mood... all that are just instruments of excuses to put the fairy tale to it's lame chapter which could not be closed until the last page had to be torn before the water ripple could finish. All your holidays are nicely constructed to everyone except me.

Some people think they know my pain or had gone through worse moments... but little did they know that I've already lost and skipped so many heart beats only to be resurrected back from hell so many fortunate times.

For one second, if any where to think the flame had died, I would reassured you that it never did and never had and never will. Similar to the one I had 10 years ago, 8 months ago... or any recent. Remove the cosmetics that hid the sorrow and you will find the corpse that had walked this planet long with joker's face. Though one had tried to enter my life to replace You, but nothing can overwrite J in my life.   But now its not as it seems, because the one now is not going to make things right thus we will always be adrift in two different worlds, across two different rivers like white water rafts that rush to the end of the waterfall.

Alas, I have to put every single photographic memory into the trunk and set it back into the attic where the dust and cob webs will take its place in time to top the many things that stack this journal which carries all but none, a happy moment.

It is now my time to pass on the magic of the Guardian to others who needs it more since it has given up on me. I leave it all in a prayer and blessing for all. You've done your best for me. I accept another defeat whereby not all fairy tales end in happy endings, thus we're just not destined to be fated.


"The Prayer"

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be safe
La luce che tu dai

I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore restera
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarci che
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'e
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe.
Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza

Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind
E'il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salvera 

Letting go... the last few steps before the actual moment

Prior to the start of this chapter, I'd like to take a moment of today and put everything into silence as I remember and dedicate today in loving memory of (Her) passing 10 years ago.

A week ago, I tried to tell/say this. I could not because I did not have the chance. Last night and today, I tried to do it again, I could not because I could never have the chance/the moment or even the opportunity. I guess we've evaded this topic or reality too much. So, I've to come to a conclusion. I did have some proper opinions from good friends who are very kind and nice enough to care and share the right sensible views.

Seeing that the issue will only drag longer and further as per what you've been trying to do, I will fulfill your wish of never ever letting it surface anymore. Come to think of it, ever since the topic surfaced, we've never had a moment together (as in only the two of us) ever again... the time we had is less than everyone else having your time. So, it's so obvious that I'm no longer a valuable commodity.

Our time is not much anymore and we're not getting any younger. But if you would not want to face reality and look into the issue, then how can 1 hand clap alone? Don't think for a minute that I'm any happier each day having to see everyone else cuddling each other, being loved, cared for, cherished and most importantly able to do what an actual couple does (i.e. holding hands, hugging their partners, peck on the cheek etc). No, I've hungered and waited for it for so long... but senses told me its not going to happen. Just like I remembered very clearly about how I have to face the fact and truth that some fairy tales have to end with destinies that aren't fated to be... and thus, no happy endings...

In my heart, I actually wanted to know better that will we be moving forward or will we be moving backwards rather than we're putting everything on KIV mode indefinitely. But since you have always shut me up and never gave me a chance to talk or either raise the subject, then perhaps you should stop evading the issue and just let me know it now.

To cut the story short, if you want to know, yes, it hurts, very much every single day for me. To go through the agony of living each and every single day while I move on from the painful past and everything else. I'm one step away from totally passing the tragedy pain of 10yrs ago.. and I've to face another one last one.

All I want to know now, will I clap alone... or will I get to clap with you...

A Tiny Apartment Transforms Into 24 Rooms

The interesting facts about how a small space and become so effective, efficient and still eco-friendly.

In Hong Kong, because of the space, apartments are small and expensive. Gary Chang, an architect, decided to design a 344 sq. ft. apartment to be able to change into 24 different designs, all by just sliding panels and walls. He calls this the "Domestic Transformer."

Here's an insight look at how A Tiny Apartment Transforms Into 24 Rooms:

Lyrics to "Love's the only rule"

With so many things happening lately and with so much that has gone down in history, I wanted to just share some lyrics that makes you think about contribution and most importantly, there's no better rule in life than this...

Love's the only rule
I don't give a damn
How it's supposed to be
That might work for you
It don't work for me

You write your truth
And I’ll write mine
One man's ceilings
Another man's sky high

Flying like an aeroplane
Crying like the lonely whistle of a long black train
Dance in the pouring rain
Spit in the eye of a hurricane
Who said life has got to be so cruel
Love's the only rule

It's written in the scars
Where I fit in
It's going to hurt sometimes
You got to lose to win

You've got your sins
And I got mine
Sell your secrets kiss them all goodbye

Flying like an aeroplane
Alive like a lonely note from John Coltrane
Run like it's a getaway
Say those things that you shouldn't say
Think about it wouldn't that be cool?
If love's the only rule

Might be a wrecking ball
Or just a wake up call
Don't matter where the pieces fall

Oooooh, Oooooh, Oooooh

I'm gonna fly like an aeroplane
Cry like the whistle of a long black train
Dance in the pouring rain
I'm alive like a lonely not from John Coltrane
Run like it's a getaway
Say those things that you shouldn’t say

Where love, love's the only rule
Yes love, love's the only rule
Ah love, love's the only rule
Love, only rule
Love's the only rule

Oooooh, Oooooh , Oooooh

The moment the Earth stood still for me (in loving memory, a week from today, 10 years ago)

The day wasn't meant for concentrating in work, thus it was kind of slow and non-productive. Incidentally, the call came in and other things just had to jell in. It sort of affected my feelings and emotions but things was taking a step better, just slower.

Raymond asked a very good set of questions... quote: "Question of the Day: An interesting One. About Love. Q1: What is Love? Q2: U can choose 1 only: Will you choose the one who you love or the one who love you? Kindly justify your answer ...." which is later followed by: "Wat if d one love u, u dun have feel? But d one u love dun have feel towards u. Now ... choose again."

As of currently, there's 62 posts on this comment thread and the discussion may grow even longer than it seems. Not going to go into details. Zoey triggered the mood weather further when she mentioned about the "last breathe" that also coincides with Emileen's passing 10 years ago which is about a week from today for a full decade. The whole thing really got my mind clogged and clouded that I wasn't thinking straight or much. I even ended up driving on auto-pilot mode back home. Reaction time for me was deemed slower by milliseconds but that could also serve risky and can be rather deadly on the road.

Andy was being much of an asshole by making fun of everything knowing that she was the one I loved most in my heart even until today... and had to even brought in my pain of complication with Jo. He used 2 of the people I loved most in my life to amuse himself to Richard. It's not much of a fun if you think back about it... and there's nothing stupid about the fact that one would sacrifice for the other including giving up their own life for them... Well, I've dropped the stupid incident because I chose rather not to get angry and upset over brainless fools than to waste my precious time over pathetic retards.

And finally, thank you Venessa, for the good talk. I'm glad I could help you resolve your 'adult' issues. Don't worry, there's nothing to be ashamed talking about that 'topic' because we're all adult and I'm glad I could help and resolve your problems as well as make you feel better. Remember, I always speak in between the fence. Not for MEN or for WOMEN. That's my principle of things, righteous, fair and right straight down the middle. Thus, as Dr. Alicia and Queenie had praised, ethical and professional. Oh, and if I hadn't being that pro and good, the patients won't had come for the therapy, advise and counseling.

Finally, the last agenda... I tried to talk to you earlier today but didn't really had the chance. The 3rd party's presence was unexpected and as usual, I know you always deliberately had him there so that we'd not talk about the issue and you just want to drag it as much as possible and as long as you could. I know you just don't want things to be awkward just for the both of us. All I wanted to tell you was, don't complicate the issue. The situation is, if you can't get over the problem, then you can choose to abort the mission. We cannot evade it forever. Sooner or later we'll have to face this. Not talking about it won't help. It only makes things worse and more painful as it drags longer and longer. It's like the solution you said about other problems... "Block and Delete"... I know you don't wish to choose the solution of delete for our issue but it's not helping or getting anything better if you evade it. My opinion is still to take the trial, do the repair works, see the progress of the damages and probably (my prediction is most likely), it could completely fix the issue. I do agree with Queenie (Tang) on this; you're simply just complicating things. Come to think of it, it's exactly what I faced with the previous issue.

Oh well, I will not change the fact that you're stubborn and nothing can be done about it. It's your character. Speaking of Stubborn-ness... Emery, we spoke about this and you agreed to listen and give things a try and make it better. You know we're buddies and you can always come up to me again for better advise and counseling. As you can see, nothing can affect my ability to professionally consult you.  I've always being very ethical about my profession and all personal issues are always put aside when I have to work on other stuff. You're treated fairly like every other client patient. Well, except the case that I don't charge you for it. =) Oh, and sorry, couldn't accompany you to Pavilion earlier. Oh well, you know why and issue solved.

Last but not least, dearest blood sister of mine, IF YOU HAPPEN to read this... keep this here and DON'T drag it into the family and give Dad and Mom any worries. What happens here, talked about here, written here etc... STAYS here! Jane (Wai and Tang) thanks for your concern.

Jane Tang: your brother is always very strong, else I won't be able to solve your problems all the time. And stop complaining I don't pamper you enough... you know you're equally as important, else I won't had flown all the way over... all the time (when in need/emergencies). I may not have 24hrs a day for you, but I always make sure I have a pocket of air for you regardless. Love from me, mummy-kins and dadddy-kins.

Jane Wai: Speaking of which, have you bombarded your Jimi (17th Flr IBM) for me, yourself and his boss (as per discussed?)??? Yeah, he needs a good lecture and lesson from you. =P~ And you owe me a Blackberry Bold 9700. (Yeah, I don't care... :P ... we're buddies, so you know why)

Mich, Zoey, Eric, Ray: good topic... thanks for the discussion and that was a fun thingy... well, not really  'fun' sorta fun... but we did raise exciting and superb points. Especially the care and concern from all of you. Well, all except Mohan that I've to pity him about the Lesbian lover/partner thingy for him. Cheers mate.

Shayne: I do worry about you once in awhile. We may not be close or know each other much; but I can sense that you're rather vulnerable at times and I also do care for everyone equally. Just so you know... not everything in life is always unfair to you or you're in the worst situation of your life. There are far more worse things than you are experiencing now and if they (and I) can climb up above it, so can you. =)

Oh, and I won't forget you, Chiew Yee a.k.a. Jiro... You're family, obviously I won't leave anything of you out. If I hadn't given enough love and hugs, then apologies... you know everything (yeah, including the deep inside of me) most compared to any others in this whole wide world. Thank you for everything. You're indeed the best. Else I won't be proud of you being my "daughter's" biological mother, am I right? Take super good care of my lil' princess Sophie. She's all I've got.

The day when everything went wrong.

The series of unfortunate events just had to happen today. I'm exhausted and I've not bathed, cleaned up or neither have I brushed my teeth for the past 24hrs. All because I had to travel unexpectedly.

Earlier plan was to fly down to Singapore the day before but did not materialize after an emergency call for a meeting had to take place. Oh well, all of us rushed down to Malacca instead and had a LONG day with endless discussions and debates going on. Matters can never be cleared easily and we'll never settle anything anyway.

When the boss and I arrived back to KL at midnight and dropped the driver in Kajang to pick up his car, while we head straight to Shah Alam. We had to sit down with our Executive Chairman to discuss matters for immediate plans and decision-making. The outcome is, I've got to go over to Singapore immediately to resolve the mega crisis and authorize whatever requires my immediate approval.

After ending late, we hung out at the club for some midnight snack and lazing around to relief our stress and tiresome exhaustion. Guess what? We hit big and profited too.

Anyway, we left at 4.15am and I decided that there's no need to go all the way home anymore and thus went to KL Sentral, which is nearer to the club in Bangsar. I parked in there and waited till 4.30am for the Malaysian Airlines to open and got the first flight out of KL to Singapore. Air Asia wasn't open till 9am.

I took the KLIA Express but apparently, the first ride is a transit ride. Being mentally tired, I got detoured early and disembarked at Salak Tinggi (one station before KLIA) instead. I stupidly had to wait for another 18mins before the next ride comes by. Then, surprisingly, Air Asia at KLIA also operates from 9am to 9pm. So, my next flight back to KL wasn't possible to be bought at the KLIA.

I tried to make a call and it turns out that my phone is barred. At 6am??? my second phone's battery has already run dry and switching the sim card wasn't helping because I had no idea what was my LOCK CODE for the former phone.

At this moment, I could only think fast and act fast. Thus I made a call via the payphone and had her call me back. Got her to sort out the line and ran to the airport (LCCT) to get my return ticket. Coincidentally, she was down with diarrhea too. Sigh~! Well, eventually it got settled.

I had my breakfast at Oldtown in the main terminal building and started trying to test when my phone would start working. Even before I board the plane, I've try restarting the phone countless times. I was reassured it would work before I leave.

Ok, fine. I arrived at Singapore, tried the phone. Still no roaming and no line and still barred. The only thing I could do was to act fast. I found a power outlet, tried to charge a bit of my second phone. It was also barred! Hopeless because my 're-assured' thingy did not get working. Tried logging in from the Macbook but could not get the wifi access. Alas, found a free terminal with 15mins access limitation.

I hopped onto the terminal and quickly tried to go into gmail and see if I could get any communications with Diana and NO! No avail. Again, frustration caught up as I'm stranded without the next flight details and the counter closing for check-in is drawing near. The internet speed in Singapore wasn't that fast as I suspect there are too many users in the airport. So bearing with it, I managed to get into Facebook and started to dig for people to assist me.

God answered my prayers and cry. I quickly got Emery to call and SMS her. Well, things had to ding-dong ding-dong back and forth for a long time because a simple task wasn't done right and quickly. I can't blame it as not every can react to resolve crisis as quick witty as I do. So, I had to bear with it and kept restarting the terminal to communicate with her via Emery.

Finally, when I got the e-codes, I flew across the arrival hall, did what I had to do and go back into the check-in counters and managed to get my boarding pass back, just in time. Luckily the sky-train and everything else was in synch or I'll be one step late. Back in the departure hall. The Wifi (Wireless@SG) gave me problems. I tried running up and down the entire hall trying to connect to it from gate to gate and it didn't work. Ok, even the ground staff at the info counter couldn't help. So, I gave up and looked for another silly free terminal. Doing the exact same thing again, Emery had to push messages across for us again. I've restarted my phone countless times and STILL had no luck with the phone.

Heck, when I reached back to Malaysia, I still had the same problem after Diana said she already scolded the helpdesk so many times. In the end, I managed to get the phone back up after she attempted to call me. Then everything flowed thru. 12 missed calls and tones of SMSes came in. Including stupid voicemails.

Got things sorted and left for KL Sentral. Was pissed at the first driver for not picking me up despite he knew what time I was arriving back but instead, the smarter 2nd driver came to wait for me. SO? Hmm… good question, I fired the 1st driver after he had given so much trouble to us within 24hrs including the 30 cartons of water issue using our names and reputation. Hard luck, pea-brain.

This is where I finally get to say, HOME, SWEET HOME… Alas, I can rest in my sanctuary and have a good day.

101th Blog post: Young Music Prodigy to commemorate event

This is a great moment that I've to share this to everyone. 3 year old Howard 明版的, the great young music prodigy woos the crowd and "girls" (especially) with his awesome talent on drums...

check this out: