Prior to the start of this chapter, I'd like to take a moment of today and put everything into silence as I remember and dedicate today in loving memory of (Her) passing 10 years ago.
A week ago, I tried to tell/say this. I could not because I did not have the chance. Last night and today, I tried to do it again, I could not because I could never have the chance/the moment or even the opportunity. I guess we've evaded this topic or reality too much. So, I've to come to a conclusion. I did have some proper opinions from good friends who are very kind and nice enough to care and share the right sensible views.
Seeing that the issue will only drag longer and further as per what you've been trying to do, I will fulfill your wish of never ever letting it surface anymore. Come to think of it, ever since the topic surfaced, we've never had a moment together (as in only the two of us) ever again... the time we had is less than everyone else having your time. So, it's so obvious that I'm no longer a valuable commodity.
Our time is not much anymore and we're not getting any younger. But if you would not want to face reality and look into the issue, then how can 1 hand clap alone? Don't think for a minute that I'm any happier each day having to see everyone else cuddling each other, being loved, cared for, cherished and most importantly able to do what an actual couple does (i.e. holding hands, hugging their partners, peck on the cheek etc). No, I've hungered and waited for it for so long... but senses told me its not going to happen. Just like I remembered very clearly about how I have to face the fact and truth that some fairy tales have to end with destinies that aren't fated to be... and thus, no happy endings...
In my heart, I actually wanted to know better that will we be moving forward or will we be moving backwards rather than we're putting everything on KIV mode indefinitely. But since you have always shut me up and never gave me a chance to talk or either raise the subject, then perhaps you should stop evading the issue and just let me know it now.
To cut the story short, if you want to know, yes, it hurts, very much every single day for me. To go through the agony of living each and every single day while I move on from the painful past and everything else. I'm one step away from totally passing the tragedy pain of 10yrs ago.. and I've to face another one last one.
All I want to know now, will I clap alone... or will I get to clap with you...
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